And here I am ... As usual in the midle of the storm and emotional roller coster. Nothing I have never experienced before, usual stuff - resistance towards the reality. I clearly can see where I am going like never before but I am struggling to persuade it to others who I care for. Is it always the case of being convinced about something and being unable to fight for it. Actually I think I've got enough power to make not only mine but someone's else life easier and more stimulating no matters what. I just don't know if I should push. I've never have to fight for my life's happiness, I've always let it be, but I feel like I should put a little bit of afford to make things happen. If someone whom I expect to do it can not because is scared I need to convince the whole world that's right decision.
The time is passing by and I am in the emotional loop which redirects me all over again into the same point of fear about tomorrow. How is the present moment, I can not remember it anymore. I've got obsessed by the future and and can not just enjoy now and here. I'm having an internal battle with myself about facts which don't exist, in fact they are only illusions. I keep coming back on the spiral of never ending sufferance. I hardy can reneged how is to smile again, if I do it's not real. I want to love unconditional and offer what I can without expecting anything in return. I must be strong to handle my pain and overcome it by doing something constructive. I'm working hard without much result, every day I convince myself that's right. I don't have daubs about it, it just takes ages to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
