Everyone says that America is a golden mine. So I wanted to check it out. I went on tour to Orlando to experience the most famous Disneyland in USA. First place I visited was A Harry Potter Park. First attraction I tried was a roller coaster, that was it. After the first 5 seconds of up and down journey I ended up with head injury. The state of mind I've been in 3 months ago after the major head injury (during the dance) came back in the same intensity. My blood pressure suddenly increased in the brain, it felt like someone was squeezing my head in. I couldn't get my focus back and still my mind. The vision got blurred and I've been out of focus since then. One week after I still have got the sensation of dizziness and insecurity, I am frighten and unsure about the simplest things. My head is bombarded by spring of never ending thoughts. It feels like someone has hit my head to make me become a vegetable. My brain function slowed down, my concentration is gone. Sometime I can get back on track for such a short time and get some work done, but it doesn't last for long. What really pleases me is lying down and listening the 'ashes and snow' music which has got healing qualities. I can close my eyes and immerse in my own world where nobody can get me and hurt me. The world where I am alone but surrounded by amazing nature which makes me feel alive and in the meantime balanced, slows down the heart rate biting, decreases the blood pressure in veins and expands my lungs so I can freely breath and stay underneath the water endlessly. I am a fish that's only safe territory is an ocean and the sea life. The fish which enjoys the depth of transparent salt water and sunshine rays reflecting in the bottom of it. The fish free of thoughts and desires. the fish that follows the waves. I am the mermaid ......bullshit!!!!!! I am a human being who is in perfect shape and enjoys an incredible life over here in Florida. People around me care for me, love me and make me feel secure. A feeling of community here is so strong that makes me believe that we are one big family. My BF almost broke up with me, my mind is struggling with injury and the heart broken pain. The time in Disneyland was a nightmare and after that even worse. Maybe gradually the neuro system is calming down and brain is coming back to balance. Nevertheless i am still struggling with the physical activities to catch up with my body and mind balance. I am on the edge of what.....nothing I am happy with my self and I accept what the universe gives me. I enjoy pain when it's a right time to suffer, I enjoy loneliness when it's too much going on, I enjoy the silence when the noise is overwhelming my senses, I love the moment of being for ever immersed in the deepest water without seeing the suffice. I am about to go to New york tonight. I am not happy yet, but surly I'll become as soon as I take off on the plane. I went last night to philharmonic concert next to the house https://www.nws.edu/WebSales/ConcertEvents.aspx and I needed to leave before the end because of the loud volume of music. The second part of night was also disaster. Anyway its time to relax because apparently I need more of my daily relaxing routine;) hasta la vista!!!!!
